Published by Mark Matloff, Ph.D.

1. Anxiety Busting

"If change is so important, what makes it so hard?" This is the $64,000 question. Even when we know that it is important to change, we can get stuck too easily. Just ask anyone who has tried to stop smoking, start a new career, leave or start a new relationship, or learn a new skill. The list goes on and on. Even when we are fired up to do something, it's tough to stay on track. How come?

Here are a couple of common reasons.

• We may not know which choice is best to take.
• We may choose a path, but not know how to get there.
• We may be too doubtful or anxious to get on with our changing.

That's what I want to talk about. This doubt or anxiety happens to just about all of us, at one time or another. Is it all bad? No. The right amount of anxiety can help us prepare better. For instance, it's considered to be a GOOD IDEA for a student to have at least some doubt or anxiety about schoolwork.

Why?  So that he/she will study better for tests. But it's a matter of degree. Too much anxiety can paralyze you, and make you too scared to try. Too little can make you indifferent so you don't care enough to try. Either way, you're no closer to your goal.

Also, anxiety is part of the human condition. Professional, Life and Executive coaches have a term for our anxious, doubting part. They call it our gremlin - that's the part of us that is frightened of anything new. It is trying to keep us safe by keeping us the same.

So, if anxiety is part of us, how can we deal with it as we change?

Here are some ideas:

1. Expect to be anxious when you are trying to change. Welcome to the human race.
    
2. Understand what you are worrying about. Is it something real, or is $500 worth of worry for a $50 problem?
    
3. If your anxiety is too much, talk yourself down, to get the right perspective. Ask yourself: "What is out of proportion here?" Find the truth.
    
4. You can also talk yourself down by using humor or exaggeration.

Here's a story:

I had a client who was deathly afraid of public speaking. The funny part about it is that she was a very talented speaker. Anyway, she worried and worried that the audience would not take her seriously.

Now, besides being a great speaker, she happened to have a great sense of humor. She knew that she was worrying too much about speeches, and she decided to do something funny about it. So, she imagined herself giving her talk, and then imagined that the audience just broke out laughing, and kept on laughing, laughing, laughing for hours. She imagined that soon, nobody could even talk to her without laughing, and her career took a nosedive.

In desperation, she imagined that she turned to a life of crime, and tried to rob banks. But the problem was that she couldn't get anyone to take her seriously - they kept laughing at her threatening notes.

After a while, she found herself laughing at her fear. And guess what? Her fear of public speaking got less, and her speeches got even better.

5. Learn to relax. There are loads of antidotes for anxiety. Relaxation training, meditation, self-hypnosis, and so on.
   Or exercise, yoga, etc.
    
6. Ask yourself: "What's the worst thing that could happen?" And talk yourself down.
    
7. Interview friends - learn how they cope with their worries. Sometimes other people give us great ideas.
    
8. Make a personal anxiety-busting plan.
    
9. Plug your plan in, and see how it works.
    
10. Be ready, willing, and able to fine-tune your approach.
     
11. And, most important - get back to the important work of changing and growing - because it's your life.

Mark Matloff, Ph.D. is a psychologist, coach, trainer, and consultant with over 27 years of experience helping people and organizations change for the better. When he is not at work, he teaches and practices at Aikido of Central New York, where he has trained for more than fifteen years.

Mark is convinced that martial arts, especially Aikido, contain useful and powerful lessons for better living. He believes that the Aikido approach can strengthen our ability to improve ourselves - especially when combined with the teachings of psychology.

He feels that the resulting mind/body connection holds great promise, power, and purpose, for improving our lives.

He lives with his wife in Syracuse, New York. He loves to help people envision and achieve the changes they want.

CONTACT HIM FOR A COMPLIMENTARY COACHING CONSULTATION

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Mark Matloff, Ph.D.
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