Published by Mark Matloff, Ph.D.

• The Lesson of 9/11 - Don't Wait for Life to Happen
• About the Author
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In this issue, I was going to write more about anxiety busting - but life events made me change my direction.

This is the deal. An older relative, much admired and respected became sick and may need surgery. So what? So this: If you think you have forever to live your dreams, think again. Think about all of those folks whose lives were suddenly extinguished on 9/11. Did they get a chance to live out their dreams, hopes, and deepest wishes?

That is the lesson of 9/11. That is the truth of aging and being human.

The truth about life is that we don't have forever to wait for our dreams to fall into our laps. If we wait and wait, we may likely end up with far less than we bargained for.

When I was a kid, we used to play kid games - stickball, handball, box ball, and so on. And we had this special unwritten rule. Come to think of it, all the rules were unwritten.

Here's the rule: If somebody made a play that might have been against the rules, the other kids would shout for a "Do Over." We would argue about why the "Do Over" should be done over, and under what conditions. And often the play actually would be done over. This led to many Do-Overs," and a generation of great debaters was created.

You want to know another truth about life? There aren't any "Do Overs!" And there is nobody to debate with about it. So, if it's true that life is so precious that we ought to treasure every second, and that we don't have all the time in the world to get things right, it would be logical that we would decide to try our best to achieve our best - whatever our best may be.

Logical? Sure. Is that what we do? No. What gets in the way? Why don't we move heaven and earth to make our lives as great as we can?

I have a two word answer: HUMAN NATURE. We are a complicated bunch, and we have lots of ways to stop ourselves in our tracks.

Try an experiment. Get out a piece of paper. On it, write down the ten most important things you want for yourself in your life. Don't be embarrassed, and don't be shy - this is a private list. It's for your eyes only.

Your wish list can be for possessions, careers, relationships, experiences, learnings - and they don't have to be "shoulds" those are the things you are supposed to wish for. Most people don't really want what they "should" want.

Let your list have your deep wants. These are what you really want for you. Don't worry - Santa Claus is not looking on.
Who knows? Maybe looking on is not one of his deep wants.

Now, go over your list. How many of them have you achieved? If you have most of them, I salute you. How many of them are you getting close to getting? How many of them are on hold?

If you are like most folks, there are tons of unfulfilled items on your wish list.

Now ask yourself a question: "What keeps me from getting these things I deeply want?"
This is the HUMAN NATURE part - where you can eavesdrop on your own style of ducking what you want.

We have all kinds of ways that we keep ourselves from trying. We can find other, more important things to do. We can decide to wait until conditions are best for us to try. We can decide that there is no way we can possibly succeed, so why try?

And on and on and on...

Professional/Life Coaches spend a lot of time helping people find their dreams and life wishes. But that is hardly all of what they do. Most coach work is spent helping people identify and overcome their own excuses and misplaced priorities, so they can be freed up to follow their dreams.

Now, ask yourself this question: "If I had a limited time on earth, and I knew it," how would that change my daily life?
What would I want in my life?" Once again, let your goal be something important to you. If it is possible, see if you can start living your life heading towards your goal.

One of the things about my relative is that he is a hero - he has lived his life getting and achieving wonderful personal goals.
I hope that he pulls through. And I hope that none of us wishes for a "Do Over."

Mark Matloff, Ph.D. is a psychologist, coach, trainer, and consultant with over 27 years of experience helping people and organizations change for the better. When he is not at work, he teaches and practices at Aikido of Central New York, where he has trained for more than fifteen years.

Mark is convinced that martial arts, especially Aikido, contain useful and powerful lessons for better living. He believes that the Aikido approach can strengthen our ability to improve ourselves - especially when combined with the teachings of psychology.

He feels that the resulting mind/body connection holds great promise, power, and purpose, for improving our lives.

He lives with his wife in Syracuse, New York. He loves to help people envision and achieve the changes they want.

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Mark Matloff, Ph.D.
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