It has been a long time since my last article. I apologize for the delay. Thank you for your e-mails and your concern.
I stopped writing for awhile because my father-in-law became ill and eventually passed away. Our energy and attention were bound up in that process.

Anyway, I hope to be on a more regular schedule again, so the newsletters will be more forthcoming.

If inspiration can be drawn from loss, for me it's this: Don't wait forever to live your dreams!  Make the days of your life count for you.

Warmly,

Mark


Busting Obstacles to Change:   Getting Moving

Procrastination.

We all do it. We do it even when we should "know" better. And then we concoct the best reasons in the world to procrastinate.

Why do we procrastinate? It's scary to start something new - we know that it will take effort, it will be hard to do, and it might not even work. We may feel and look foolish.

So we hold back.

Who wouldn't? Of course, the problem is that if we hold back and hold off, then we will never get to change.

Can we be completely comfortable procrastinators? Not usually. We realize on some basic level that we are copping out, that we are avoiding doing something important. This awareness feels lousy.

So, how do we protect ourselves from taking the risk of trying, and at the same time save face? Do we buckle down and get to work?

Not usually. Instead, we make up EXCUSES. We create reasonable "reasons" for holding back: "It's not the best time, it will be easier if I wait, it will be easier if I start when conditions are right, I don't know enough yet, I need more information, skill, training, I'm too tired," etc., etc., etc.

Blah, blah, blah.

This creates a very interesting trap for us. We now have found a way to avoid the hassle of change, and still feel OK - but, in order to do so, we have to keep on making up excuses.

Excuses do serve a purpose. Excuses allow us to accommodate to our procrastination. But excuses can take on a life of their own. When we make up a reason for avoiding some action, we don't just use one excuse one time, and then throw it away like Kleenex.

No. We tend to repeat our excuses to ourselves, over and over again, to quiet down that part of us that is saying, "But, wait a minute, Why aren't I getting moving?" Unfortunately that voice of our little "inner conscience" can never be completely silenced. So we start to use more excuses more often.

Now, practice has a very important effect on us. All skills improve with practice. So can our excuses. With enough practice, a pint-sized excuse can grow up to be a bully of bull.

The result: as time goes on, we can actually train ourselves to avoid changing, and we come to almost believe our ongoing alibis.

Procrastination lives and thrives on avoidance and excuses. And when we overuse procrastination, avoidance, and excuses, we can teach ourselves to stay stuck and not change.

Here are some ideas to combat procrastination:

1. Identify your excuses for what they are. Cop-outs.
    
2. Challenge them.
    
3. Stubbornly refuse to be controlled by your excuses.
    
4. Get started on changing now.
    
5. Don't wait for a perfect plan - it will never happen.
    
6. Don't wait for the perfect time - it never comes.
    
7. Don't wait until you have perfect skills - you'll never be absolutely perfect
    
8. Decide when you are ready enough to get started.
    
9. And get started.
    
10. Find ways to celebrate your efforts.

Mark Matloff, Ph.D. is a psychologist, coach, trainer, and consultant with over 27 years of experience helping people and organizations change for the better. When he is not at work, he teaches and practices at Aikido of Central New York, where he has trained for more than fifteen years.

Mark is convinced that martial arts, especially Aikido, contain useful and powerful lessons for better living. He believes that the Aikido approach can strengthen our ability to improve ourselves - especially when combined with the teachings of psychology.

He feels that the resulting mind/body connection holds great promise, power, and purpose, for improving our lives.

He lives with his wife in Syracuse, New York. He loves to help people envision and achieve the changes they want.

CONTACT HIM FOR A COMPLIMENTARY COACHING CONSULTATION

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Mark Matloff, Ph.D.
409 Standish Drive
Syracuse, NY 13224
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