Published by Mark Matloff, Ph.D.

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Aikido is a powerful, dynamic and beautiful martial art. It means: "The Way of Harmonizing Energy." Aikido practitioners learn to blend and steer an opponent's force to safely control a situation.

Aikido stands out as a most moral and ethical martial art. The emphasis is on prevention of injury. And yet Aikido is very effective. Aikido has nothing to do with conquest. It emphasizes living in harmony with yourself, with others, and with the world.

Aikido contains many great ideas for how we can improve our lives.

AikiPaths use the teachings of Aikido (and other arts) and the wisdom of psychology to help improve and enrich our lives. We can learn to blend with ourselves and with others, to reduce or eliminate conflicts,

and live more fully.

I have a friend with whom I have practiced Aikido for years. Like most people, his life has not always been easy. In fact, he has had some pretty hard knocks.  Often, when I see him, I ask him how he is doing. He will smile and say, "I'm taking ukemi."

In Aikido, Ukemi (pronounced ooh-keh-mee) training is learning how to fall so that you don't get hurt. This is essential for those times when you are thrown.  You can spend a lifetime perfecting this skill. And you might as well. Take it from me: Gravity Always Wins.

Now, it is important to train, because the "normal" reaction to falling is to TIGHTEN UP. And that HURTS. In Aikido, we practice to replace that "normal" tightening with relaxation. So, as you train, you learn to gradually relax and let go of tension, even as you are falling. This training leads to much softer impact, and a much happier Aikido-ist. Falling begins to feel more like floating, and less like crashing.

There are at least three reasons:

First, you need to know how to fall so that you do not get hurt when you train.

Second, if you do not know how to fall, you can't make progress in training. It's too risky to learn the more complicated techniques.

Third - and most important - LIFE INVOLVES CONSTANTLY FALLING DOWN! We cannot go through life without falling down and getting back up many times over. So we need to learn to fall with grace. 

Think about it. If a person is bound and determined to never, never, never fail, what will happen when he/she hits an obstacle? It's bad enough to make a mistake. But that is inevitable, especially when you try something difficult. And have you ever accomplished anything difficult, without making any mistakes whatsoever along the way? I haven't. I learn by blundering. So, mistakes are bound to happen.

And you know what makes a simple mistake worse? It's that good old human tendency to get upset because you made a mistake. We are expert at tormenting ourselves by getting distressed, angry anxious, nervous, worried, or whatever- just because we very humanly goofed up.

In other words, we TIGHTEN UP when we make a mistake. And we know what pain that can lead to. Sound familiar? It's like being punished twice for the same thing - first by the mistake itself, and then having the emotional hangover about the mistake.

So, first you fall. Then you get upset that you fell!

So, what can we do about our mistakes?

1. Whenever you do anything tough, fully expect that you will make a mistake or two (even more) along the way. For sure. In fact, if you never make a mistake, maybe you are sheltering yourself too much.
    
2. Perfect your own personal emotional ukemi training. Stubbornly refuse to torture yourself about your mistake.
    
3. This is not as easy as it sounds. It takes practice to convince yourself that there is no failure, there is only feedback.
    
4. Find ways to remind yourself that it's OK to make mistakes. Make a sign and hang it where you can see it.
    
5. When you pass the sign, stop a minute, and rehearse its message.
    
6. Get in the habit of rewarding yourself not for being perfect. Perfection is its own reward. Instead, celebrate the victory of getting back up, and back on track, after having a setback.
    
7. If you are comfortable, try sharing this radical philosophy with others.
    
8. Remember: it's not the mistake that stops you. It's your decision to stop that stops you.

Finally, keep in mind a wise old Buddhist saying: "If you fall down seven times, get up eight times."

Mark Matloff, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice, coach, trainer, teacher, and consultant with over 27 years of experience helping people and organizations change for the better. When he is not at work, he teaches and practices at Aikido of Central New York, where he has trained for more than fifteen years.

Mark is convinced that martial arts, especially Aikido, contain useful and powerful lessons for better living. He believes that the Aikido approach can strengthen our ability to improve ourselves - especially when combined with the teachings of psychology.

He feels that the resulting mind/body connection holds great promise, power, and purpose, for improving our lives.

He lives with his wife in Syracuse, New York. He loves to help people envision and achieve the changes they want.

CONTACT HIM FOR A COMPLIMENTARY COACHING CONSULTATION

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Sensei Yousuf Mehter, chief instructor at Aikido of Central New York has graciously offered my readers who have never tried Aikido a complimentary four weeks of introductory training at the school. Be sure and tell him that you read this newsletter.

This is a perfect way to sample Aikido with some great teachers!

Contact:
Yousuf Mehter
Aikido of Central New York
2550 Erie Blvd. East (between Seeley Ave. and Thompson Road)
Syracuse, NY
(315) 449-2332

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Mark Matloff, Ph.D.
409 Standish Drive
Syracuse, NY 13224
(315) 446-3101