• Power Resting: Recharging Your Batteries
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Harry takes care of his wife Jane. Jane has Alzheimer's disease. Harry loves Jane, and he is devoted to her.  He tries to always be there for her. But it's a tough balancing act. He feels pressure. He needs to know what Jane needs every moment, and has to be ready to respond.

It starts from the moment she wakes up and lasts until after she goes to sleep. And he needs to deal with her changeable nature. Sometimes she is friendly and cooperative. Sometimes, almost out of the blue, she becomes confused, frightened, and digs in her heels, or gets mad. And that's not all-Harry also has to worry about his bills, his home, his house chores, his yard work, etc.

And remember that he has to get ready for the next day. It can be pretty demanding.

Harry is not sure that others can help him with Jane. He believes that only he truly understands her, and that only he can give the best possible love and care to her. Besides, that's his job, right? Harry feels overwhelmed. Sound familiar?

No doubt about it, Alzheimer's disease takes a lot out of any caregiver. And that brings me to something that caregivers need desperately - rest.

It is easy to get lost in this disease. It is easy to give, give, give with no letup. But, there is a hard price to pay. The more you give, the less energy you have. And the less energy you have, the more stress you feel. And the more stress you feel, the less you have to give. So, giving too much can create a vicious cycle. And this vicious cycle makes it harder to be able to give. 

So, what should a caregiver do? Just quit? Refuse to help? Become completely selfish and self-absorbed? Of course not! We need to find a balance. It is important to care of those we love who can't take care of themselves. But it is equally important to care for ourselves as well. This resting and recharging gives us the power to care for others.

Rest is so important. Even God rested on the seventh day of creation. In factories, machines are periodically turned off and given a rest. Soldiers go on leave. Workers take holidays, weekends, and vacations. Even the President takes time off from his schedule. Why is rest so important? We need rest in order to recharge our batteries. Without rest, we burn out. Our spirit collapses. And then, who will be left to do the care giving?

So, what should we do?

Here are some ideas:

1. When possible, let yourself take a power rest. This could be a short nap, a short meditation, a moment of prayer, a moment of deep breathing, etc.
    
2. When possible, allow others to help out with your loved one. Perhaps a family member or friend could fill in for an hour or so. Check to see if agencies in your area offer respite services.
    
3. Find ways to nurture yourself regularly. It could be as small as a special cup of coffee or tea, or a treat, or listening to a special song. But do it regularly!
    
4.  Arrange for daily breath breaks, and, if at all possible, make sure you take them.
    
5. Take the opportunity to enjoy the good moments and experiences that you have with your loved one.
    
6. Pamper yourself with a hot bath or shower.
    
7. Find what you enjoy. If it's appropriate and safe, fit it in with your life.

Ask yourself these questions:

• What do I need to put balance into my life?
• What can I do to nurture myself?
• How can I make that happen, and still take care of my loved one?
• How can I keep nurturing myself in ways that are safe and appropriate?

Reflect on your answers. Keep at it until you have developed your own self-nurturing program. Remember, rest for the caregiver strengthens care giving. And that is what we all need, in order to be at our best.

I hope that these ideas are helpful for you. I would love to hear the ways in which you nurture yourself. Please feel free to let me know. I would be glad to include them in future newsletters.

Mark Matloff, Ph.D. is a psychologist, coach, trainer, teacher, and consultant with over 27 years of experience helping people and organizations change for the better. When he is not at work, he teaches and practices at Aikido of Central New York, where he has trained for more than fifteen years.

Mark is convinced that martial arts, especially Aikido, contain useful and powerful lessons for better living. He believes that the Aikido approach can strengthen our ability to improve ourselves - especially when combined with the teachings of psychology.

He feels that the resulting mind/body connection holds great promise, power, and purpose, for improving our lives

He lives with his wife in Syracuse, New York. He loves to help people envision and achieve the changes they want.

CONTACT HIM FOR A COMPLIMENTARY COACHING CONSULTATION

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Mark Matloff, Ph.D.
409 Standish Drive
Syracuse, NY 13224
(315) 446-3101