It has been some time since my last newsletter. Unfortunately, our life was taken up with care for my father-in-law, who became ill and eventually passed away. He was and will continue to be a wonderful source of inspiration for all who knew him. I hope that now there will be time for more articles.

On a more positive note, I have nearly completed two projects: my web site, and an e-book for Alzheimer's caregivers.
Both should be up and running shortly.

Stay tuned for details.

Warmly,

Mark


"Avoiding the Perfectionism Trap"

Perfectionism.

We all have it to some degree. It can drive us to great heights. Or it can leave us stranded out on a limb. On the surface, it seems like a good idea to be a perfectionist. It sounds wise to strive to improve ourselves, right?

Not always. Perfectionism can be a trap. We can be easily lured into expecting and demanding too much from ourselves and others. 

And when this happens, there comes a time when we cannot meet all of our demands. And when that time comes, we can
unfortunately torment ourselves - because of our human imperfection.

The psychology of perfectionism is interesting and useful. Understanding how perfectionism works can help us cope with it.
It starts out innocently enough. A person desires to do better at something.

So far so good.

However, this innocent desire can mutate into a driving demand which has no toleration for any kind of mistake. Making a
mistake leads the perfectionist to condemn him/herself. When he/she goofs, the perfectionist can think "I goofed up -therefore I'm no good!"  In this way, some people fall into the trap of flunking themselves completely for not getting a perfect grade in whatever they're doing.

And they will then work like crazy just to avoid experiencing their own condemnation.

It all depends on how you think about things. Non-perfectionists can roll with the punches. They can still see themselves as being OK even when they make a mistake. They learn from their goofup, and hopefully improve next time.

People who suffer from perfectionism, however, can automatically and relentlessly put themselves down whenever they are anything less than perfect - which can be all of the time for us less-than-perfect humans.

You can think of perfectionism as demanding too much of a good thing, and then agonizing about not getting it. It can be a heavy burden.

How can perfectionism be a problem for caregivers?

Caregivers have so much on their plates that it is just impossible to be perfect in everything they do. Caregivers have to deal with the constant demands of their lives, such as: taking care of their loved ones, taking care of their home, taking care of their finances, taking care of their family, dealing with constant challenges and demands.

And so on and so on...

It is perfectly impossible to be perfect under these circumstances. And the consequences of perfectionism can be costly: guilt, anger, anxiety, even depression.

So, what should a perfectionist do?

Here are some ideas:

1. Understand when you a driving yourself too hard, and cut yourself some slack.
    
2. Understand that it is impossible to be completely perfect.
    
3. Rather than shooting for absolute perfection, aim to be good enough.
    
4. Prioritize. Select which tasks are the most important ones to deal with now. Put your best energy into handling them.
    
5. Do your best to maintain your focus on your tasks. Give yourself opportunity to rest and recharge.
    
6. Realize that being perfect is impossible to attain and maintain. We can only learn from our mistakes and thereby improve.

If you are interested in working more on perfectionism, you will find some useful ideas in my upcoming e-book.