The Importance of Being an Imperfect Perfectionist

• My New E-book
• The Importance of Being an Imperfect Perfectionist
• About the Author
• Subscription, Unsubscription, Questions

My New E-book

I am proud to announce that my new e-book has been launched. The name of the book is "Strength in Caring: Giving Power Back to the Alzheimer's Caregiver". This e-book is a book that you can download to your own computer. It is meant to provide information and emotional empowerment for the people who care for others with Alzheimer's disease. It includes articles by a physician educator, an attorney, and a clinical psychologist.

Please check it out. You can learn about it and download a free version at www.StrengthinCaring.com Just click on the link and scroll down to the offer.

The Importance of Being an Imperfect Perfectionist

We hear so often about the importance of improving, of becoming more efficient, of getting better and better. It is important to try to be more perfect than we are. Right?

Not necessarily.

Oftentimes, trying to be perfect is great, provided we put it in some kind of perspective. It is one thing to want to do well. But when we absolutely demand perfection in ourselves, this can be self-torture. And when we demand that we (and everyone around us) must be absolutely perfect in our caregiving, we invite distress, even disaster.

How come?

Being a caregiver takes up huge amounts of time, attention, and energy. There are always more things which must be done. These include: helping with food and dressing, maintaining appointments, housekeeping, chores, medical appointments, family issues, dealing with all of the surprises that come up, scheduling, organizing, and so on and so on. There simply is no time to be absolutely perfect in every task that confronts us.

How does perfectionism work, and how does it work against us?

It is important to understand the difference between wanting to do better and needing to be perfect. There is a difference between wanting to do as well as possible, and needing for ourselves and our actions to be absolutely perfect. When we place that demand on ourselves, we are striving for the impossible.

And when we fall short of that impossible goal, we feel all the worse for trying. The result? Personal distress, less energy, guilt, and the task remains incomplete and imperfect. And there are still all of those other things to do...

"But," you say, "there are things which must be done by a caregiver as close to perfection as possible." I agree. But not everything.

So, what should we do as caregivers?

Pick your issues. Strive to be as good as you can whenever possible, and save your need for perfection for the truly important stuff. 

And treat yourself fairly. In those situations where you didn't perform as well as you felt you should, agree to try to improve. But refuse to put yourself down for not making the perfect grade.

In other situations, strive to be "good enough," and not perfect.

About the Author:

Mark Matloff, Ph.D. is a psychologist, coach, trainer, and consultant with over 27 years of experience helping people and organizations change for the better. In addition to his private practice, he teaches undergraduate psychology courses at Columbia College. He has done research in gerontology and continues to do nursing home work, as well as work with the Alzheimer's Association. When he is not at work, he teaches and trains in Aikido, and is a second degree black belt in that art. He lives with his wife in Syracuse, NY
 

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Mark Matloff, Ph.D.
409 Standish Drive
Syracuse, NY 13224
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